Torture, Torment, Horrors! LeeLoo's First Bath
LeeLoo got her first bath this evening I was tortured. I may have mentioned that I noticed she had some kennel sores and some crusty skin on her feet and tail. She's been on an antibiotic since Friday and I picked up an oat meal and aloe shampoo while we were at the vet. She's been attempting to poison me with this vile liquid and now this. Oh the humanity.
You know she is a little princess [prisoner] and that means not just any old "dog shampoo." She's got to have the best! So Paul Mitchell it is. It's an oatmeal and aloe shampoo which has many benefits for skin and coat (click the link the read about it.) The shampoo is called JP Pet and cost about $13 (it can be purchased online for a lot less) which isn't to extravagant. But I absolutely loved that it said "Tested on Humans First." I hope lab monkeys and rabbits everywhere are rejoicing! I hope they never have to go through what I went through!
Well my little princess has found the joys of digging in the sand along the edge of the pond and the dirt under the porch (not very princess like behavior if you ask me) No one asked you, Dr. Mengele, so in addition to her skin condition she was dirty. Q.E.D. First Bath. Torment!
You wouldn't think there would be a lot of prep for bathing a tiny little 13 pound puppy, surprise there is. I should have known she was up to something. No really it's not a tremendous amount of work, but I have to think long term. This 13 pound puppy is going to grow into a giant that weighs more than I do, who is still going to need bathed. Oh just you wait! So it can't be a bad experience. It was agony! Over the next few months, we will work on getting her to get in the tub on her own and if not necessarily enjoy it, at least not fight me. I'm taking a self defense class. So for the first bath, she doesn't have to love it she just can't hate it. Fail, hated it! It was stressful worrying about her experience. Oh you poor thing...
I made sure I had all my supplies ready; shampoo, towel, jar for rinsing, and a kitchen sink full of warm water. Instruments of torture. Oh and my camera man since we have to make sure you all get to experience her bath with her. A surveillance device to record your cruelness, I'm sending it the ASPCA!
She certainly didn't love it, but since she wasn't screaming I can assume we didn't scar her for life. I don't think I'll ever be the same, I'm having nightmares. As soon as I put her in the water her body went stiff and then she started trying to escape. Fight or flight response, your lucky I didn't pick fight. Her little body tensed even more when I poured the first jar of water on her You were waterboarding me. I'm a monster. I know it and she knows it Who are you Dick Cheney? What did you do with my Momma?, but I had to persevere. Yeah I'm sure it was really rough on you. I quickly lathered her up, crooning to her the entire time. You know, music is often used as part of psychological torture. I even tried to bribe her with food Stockholm syndrome, the captor becomes our friend. Not me sister! She didn't fall for it and wanted no part of the bread, her only mission was escape. It lasted less than 5 minutes Time is relative when you're going through Hell and she was all clean and dry. I was lucky to be alive! She ran to her little cubby. Prisoners of war and other captives often feel safe in confinement. I just needed to feel safe. She looked so adorable and I knew she was hungry so I started getting her food ready and she did her usual song and dance about how hungry she was, I was so glad that meant she wasn't mad at me. Think again you evil cruel woman, a monkey will dance for his supper that doesn't mean he loves the ringmaster.
After scarfing down her dinner It's important to keep your energy levels up when being subjected to traumatic experiences. she went back to her cubby and I got the look. I wasn't as lucky as I thought, she was really mad at me Trust is earned, woman! and she gave me this look.
I thought for sure after a bath and a big meal she would be ready for bed, nope she napped for all of 5 minutes I think I might be suffering from P.T.S.D. and then was a hellion until after midnight. Who can sleep after an ordeal like that? She chewed me, Sugar, Chuckie, the blankets You deserved it, and when good men (or dogs) do nothing, evil triumphs, so they deserved it too! anything she could get in her mouth and the whole time she was running everywhere full speed and barking and growling. I was voicing my anguish. She was a mad woman. I was a victim! When she finally settled down to sleep, she went and curled up on the dog bed. I was getting snubbed and my feelings were hurt. How do you think I felt when you relished my pain? I missed my cuddle buddy. You don't want me as your enemy. Next time, Chuckie's giving her the bath! Bring it Daddy, I'm taking karate!
